Today, I thought I would try and do a nice motivational post for you all. I don't often do a lot of them - namely because I'm about as good at appearing motivational as I am capable of communicating with the spirits of half-eaten sausages. Which is not at all, by the way.
But, I told myself, it can't be that hard. Motivation comes from everywhere, after all. How hard can it be? All I need are some nice fluffy little colourful quotes . . .
. . . Who am I kidding. Nice and fluffy and little and colourful? Bah! It'd be like a crocodile trying to form a platonic friendship with your leg.
Motivation's not as easy to spread as terror and discord - not in the least because you can't buy in in bulk from Ikea. What works for one person is as useless as a damp towel to another. Motivating other people is . . . well. It's like taking the horse to water, but not only will it not drink, it also blatantly refuses to go through the rest of the aquatic gymnastics routine you made up for it yesterday evening. You were drunk, yes, but you're still pretty proud of it.
But, unless the horse motivates itself, you'll be left sitting dejectedly on the seaside while the horse terrorises the local population of sand worms and eats your sun hat.
Until the horse finds some reason to get into the water for itself, motivation is never going to happen. No matter how much you scream at it.
Besides, I can't afford to be caught being ineffectually pleasant again. I have a reputation to keep up. It's not as if I'm that far from being laughed out of Evil Overlords Anonymous anyway after last week's episode with the toaster.
So, instead, I have a little challenge for you all, my little lovelies.
BRING ME THE INCOMPETENT FOOL WHO SKIPPED OUT ON THAT SECURITY BRIEFING LAST MONTH!!!
Other than that - have a lovely weekend! I shall see you all again on Tuesday!
~ Charley R