Saturday, 9 February 2013

Motivation? More like NO-tivation.

Today, I thought I would try and do a nice motivational post for you all. I don't often do a lot of them - namely because I'm about as good at appearing motivational as I am capable of communicating with the spirits of half-eaten sausages. Which is not at all, by the way.

But, I told myself, it can't be that hard. Motivation comes from everywhere, after all. How hard can it be? All I need are some nice fluffy little colourful quotes . . .



. . . Who am I kidding. Nice and fluffy and little and colourful? Bah! It'd be like a crocodile trying to form a platonic friendship with your leg.

Motivation's not as easy to spread as terror and discord - not in the least because you can't buy in in bulk from Ikea. What works for one person is as useless as a damp towel to another. Motivating other people is . . . well. It's like taking the horse to water, but not only will it not drink, it also blatantly refuses to go through the rest of the aquatic gymnastics routine you made up for it yesterday evening. You were drunk, yes, but you're still pretty proud of it.

But, unless the horse motivates itself, you'll be left sitting dejectedly on the seaside while the horse terrorises the local population of sand worms and eats your sun hat.

Until the horse finds some reason to get into the water for itself, motivation is never going to happen. No matter how much you scream at it.

Besides, I can't afford to be caught being ineffectually pleasant again. I have a reputation to keep up. It's not as if I'm that far from being laughed out of Evil Overlords Anonymous anyway after last week's episode with the toaster.

So, instead, I have a little challenge for you all, my little lovelies.

BRING ME THE INCOMPETENT FOOL WHO SKIPPED OUT ON THAT SECURITY BRIEFING LAST MONTH!!!



Find them, and tell them they're needed in my office. Now. No excuses.

Other than that - have a lovely weekend! I shall see you all again on Tuesday!

~ Charley R

17 comments:

  1. And also perhaps that last little E that skipped out of "lovelies"? Funny how your minions always seem to be letters. Letters... writer... evil... That's actually quite brilliant.

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    1. My dearest nemesis, thank you very much for your aid in the matter! I am pleased to report that the matter has been resolved quite . . . satisfyingly.

      Yes, it is rather clever, isn't it? So glad you approve ;)

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    2. Ah, I see he's back. Well done.

      I do approve. Am I allowed to know the equation you used to employ your letters?

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    3. Errr . . . I'm not entirely sure what it was myself. Suffice to say it was an accident involving a lightning strike, a small haddock and a jar of marmite.

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    4. Literal writing on the wall? I love it when that happens. Once I found the secret to life in a jar of pickles. Unfortunately, my uncle devoured them while I was searching for a working pen.

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    5. How very unfortunate! Could you not track it down his gizzard to see how it fared?

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    6. Well, I fed him a concoction that allowed the pickles to reappear. My uncle didn't thank me for that, and neither did the pickles-- they were already out of order and dissolving before my eyes.

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  2. I totally get the damp towel anaology. In fact, I'm shuddering at the thought of a damp, musty-smelling towel. Shudder. That's horrible.

    A very good thought about motivation indeed. And... I tried calling the number on the add, but it didn't work. Must have something to do with my being a telephobiac and MWAH-HAHA not being standard dial tone.

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    1. Ehehehehehe, my evilness knows no bounds! All who do not submit to my will shall face the horror of the damp towel analogy! ;)

      And a good thing too. My phone-answering minion has a rather bad cough of late, so his voice might have scared you somewhat. I appreciate the interest in the post, though!

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    2. I totally get the Ikea analogy. And mime, you WHAT?!!! If you're going to sell yourself as a minion, shouldn't I get first dibs? I might not supply laser rays, but I give peanut butter and you might (might) just get a cape. I'll definitely come through on the messy death.

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    3. Ehehehe, your sister knows where she will be advanced. I can also guarantee a cape. And a pretty spectacular death under all but one circumstance.

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  3. By the way, Leinad has written you a review-- St. Mallory's Forever. I thought you'd like to know about it, if you didn't already.

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    1. My apologies-- the link is here:
      http://anmksmeanderingmind.wordpress.com/2013/02/10/st-mallorys-forever-a-fairly-spoiler-free-review/

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    2. Ohmahgawsh, thank you for letting me know! Let's have a see what your friend thinks!

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  4. True, horses don't get into the water unless they want to. Shoving never helps, and usually ends with a hoof in the face.

    As for the evil minions, I shall send them to you. I have other plans for world domination and those guys cannot aim.

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    1. Verily, thou speakest the gospel truth. Equines are not fond of compulsion.

      Can't aim? Well, what use are they to ME then!

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  5. OK, that picture made me laugh quite a lot. When I saw the first one I was beginning to worry this would be a post filled with things like "Believe you are right, and you will never be wrong" or "Follow your dreams to the top of the mountain and you will be able to gaze on the beauty that surrounds you" (<-- I'm pretty good at making those up, just saying.), but thankfully not. XD

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