Mayday! Mayday!

Hiya readers! Sorry about the late post today, I've been having a little trouble wit-

*gjekgjjwjgnJIREHJEGOGJjg84838huerotiwjkb!bnweoonboe*

Ah. So this is what she was doing. I HAD NO IDEA - oh, so that's what that button does - she was so obsessive about that timetable of hers. How intriguing.


Apologies for the mess on the keyboard - a rather inavoidable consequence of having an angry ball of biting author on your hands. Still, hopefully she won't be around to cause another disturbance for a while. A swift saucepan-to-the-head and rapid disposal in the Plot Bunny Hole ought to keep her occupied for a looooong while yet.


But enough about that - I'd better get this message out quickly, so that I can run for my life and bury myself in a very very deep hole. No matter how long she's out for, there'll be hell to pay when she wakes up.


I can't give you my name - because that would be exceedingly stupid given what I've just told you - but I can tell you this, readers. Charley Robson is evil. And I don't mean that lightly. I'm not talking about her cute little references to painful plot twists, her love for villainous characters and her sickeningly cute references to plans for World Domination. I'm talking the sort of evil that enjoys destroying life, limb and sanity. On a regular basis. When she's bored. 


I'm here to make a little plea to you, readers. You might laugh at me, but I speak with every scrap of honesty I can muster. We need your help. There's not much more we can take of this - she's killing us all one by one, laughing at our demise and thinking how best she can inflict our misery on your emotions.


In 2010, during that accursed National Novel Writing Month, she brought about a holocaust that resulted in a totalitarian cybornetic governemnt. The last human survivors were driven underground and subjected to appauling sanitary conditions, constant hunger, little in the way of medical supplies and the constant fear of being found out and subjected to a process so horrific I can't even bear to write it here. The results of the story involved countless deaths, and such mental anguish that a former soldier was driven to a form of homicidal insanity and, eventually, suicide.


But this isn't all. Later, in mid 2011, the daemonic monstrosity started up a civil war in a country already engaged in an age-old conflict with its neighbour. A clan whose ancestry reached back to the very first kings of the realm was nearly destroyed, and over the border mass killings were taking place on the orders of a grief-crazed tyrant king. This was the third book in a trilogy that resulted in all lead characters requiring extensive therapy and counselling sessions. One of them still holds an abiding fear of goats as a result of what he went through.


I could go on. I could tell you about the young man whose demented parents utilised the blackets of magics to transform him into an ungodly half-beast to further their designs on world domination, near destroying his sanity. I could tell you about the entire race she forced to wander in eternal deathlessness, haunting their last surviving kinsman as he struggles daily to face his own existence in light of the death of all he knew. I could tell you about the man she forced to endure a gruelling quest, chasing a prophecy he didn't understand ... after she'd killed him off in the first chapter.


Please. What we ask of you is not much. It's nothing you'll have to risk your life for - unlike me, writing this post. There are noises behind me, but I daren't stop typing. I had to tell you. I had to. For the sake of myself and my companions. 


You can save us. You can get us out of this living nightmare, and all you have to do is -


What's that noise?


I thought you said we'd ... what do you mean she ...


OH GODS NO!

*grngwjejfkjghio_jjrjiofwoifoGIWJEBJJIDJJGJKbinee*

GET BACK IN THERE YOU LITTLE WRETCH!

Sorry about that readers. Now, where were we...

- Charley R