Saturday 19 May 2012

Fish, the Force, and Fanfiction

As kettles of fish go, none get much stranger than fanfiction. While many denizens of the aforementioned bucket are nothing out of the ordinary - an alternate ending, an additional character, an entertaining crossover with a related (or, often, unrelated) world or storyline - there are also some very very strange fish. Like the ones with two heads, a leg, and the bizarre ability to speak Elvish. Backwards.

I myself have never written fanfiction - it's a comfort issue. As much as I am happy to express my views on what could / should / might happen in a given story, every time I contemplate writing out my musings on paper, I feel like I should be arrested for breaking-and-entering. Or kidnap. Or some other form of metaphysical felony. It's all very well wreaking havoc and making huge booboos in my own worlds, but in someone else's? It just doesn't feel right.

And yet, for some strange reason, the idea of fanfiction fascinates me. I peruse several fandoms (a fandom, by the way, refers to the body of fans of a given TV show, book series, movie, whatever, usually found in cyberspace). Doctor Who, Lord of the Rings, a Song of Ice and Fire, and multiple crossovers related to them are my usual haunts. Despite being a die-hard fan of all of the above - especially the last - I don't really have an issue when people decide to have a little fun. Fanfiction is, after all, supposedly an expression of love for the thing in question. 

I'm not using this post to damn fanfiction - I honestly have no problem with it. Heck, some fanfiction authors, I reckon, ought to be off writing their own stories because they honestly have a good head for plot, consistent characterisation and interesting dialogue. Sometimes the fanfiction - especially parodies - is genuienly very good, too. I've been known to sniffle a little when reading a particularly touching fic, or laugh hysterically during a good rib-tickler.

Unfortunately, as with all things - notably the moon, the toast from my school toaster, and the Force, fanfiction has a dark side. Sometimes the things one finds in there are not only implausible, illogical, and sometimes downright unsavoury, but they can be downright scarring into the bargain.

I don't just say this because I'm a terrible canon Nazi - I'm not, most of the time. It's my own fault, really, that I enjoy perusing the dark corners of fanfiction to find the worst of the worst. It's a subtle dance, somewhat akin to swimming in a tank of large sharks, tickling them in the hope one will roll over and let you tickle its tummy. Unfortunately, said shark may be one of those who would rather use your arm for a squeaky toy.

Sometimes I envy the fate of that lost arm.

Below, I list some of the weirdest, creepiest, and most scarring things I have encountered in the world of fanfiction:
  • A Harry Potter fanfiction, whereby Severus Snape was miraculously pregnant ... with the child of Sirius Black.
  • A Doctor Who fanfiction where The Doctor ended up marrying a fifteen-year-old girl who, by all the rules of the long, convoluted and utterly nonsensical plot, should have ceased to exist after ripping open a hole in the universe, stealing the TARDIS, riding it through the aforementioned hole, and somehow come back with the destroyed world of Gallifrey in tow - complete with everything else that followed it into the void, presumably.
  • A LotR fanfiction where Gimli and Legolas had mysteriously suffered a sex change and ended up marrying Pippin and Aragorn, respectively.
  • A Harry Potter fanfiction where Harry fell in love with Firenze, and ended up giving birth to a foal that, in the words of the fic "was the size of a five-year-old".
  • Many more fanfictions, in all fandoms, involving male pregnancy.
  • A Song of Ice and Fire fanfiction stating origins of Jon Snow's parentage whereby Ned Stark pulled a Jaime Lannister and slept with his sister Lyanna before she died.
  • An even more disturbing Song of Ice and Fire fanfiction, which resulted in a three-way orgy involving Jaime, Tyrion and Robb. Set against the backdrop of Book Five, I might add.
And, last, and the most horrifying and eyeball-gouging of all:
  • Crossovers. My Little Pony crossovers.
I could go on - I could launch into a list of the most disturbing character pairings, or the most ludicrous plot twists, or the most irritating Mary Sues who have inevitably made it their quest to hunt down and destroy the personality of the most desirable characters in every conceivable fandom known to mankind.

But, as I said before and will say again, these horror fics are a minority - and I really do bring them upon myself. Curiosity killed the Charley. Almost literally, in the case of a few demented fic-induced heart palpitations.

What do you guys think of fanfiction, though? Ever written any yourself? Where do you draw the line between unsettling and kill-it-with-knives-and-a-flamethrower?

- Charley R

43 comments:

  1. ugh! I wrote some fanfiction when I was around 13 or something but never got further than a thousand words. It was HP fanfiction about the Marauders I think and it was so boring even my friends admitted to my face it was bad.

    I've been writing my own stories since I was around 7 so I don't see the appeal in writing about the characters and world of someone else.

    Yeah some fanfiction is creepy! That HP one with the preggers Snape is just gross! I did once read some Twilight fanfiction though about a love story between Bella and Carlisle. ew ew ew!

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    1. Yeah, same here - I love worldbuilding and stuff, so I don't like cheating myself of the fun of it for the sake of amusing my personal plot gripes, haha.

      Eugh, you're telling me! I nearly exploded with WTF!? reading it, I tell you.

      Gyeh, I avoid the Twilight fandom like a plague. I don't like the books anyway, but the thought of what might go on in there ... scary scary scary xD

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    2. I like the books. When it comes to squishing spiders. It's the only use for them that I can find.

      I'm not a fan of burning books. Feels quasi-Nazi.

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    3. Indeed. My copies of the Twilight books are bug squashers, doorstops and props for better books. "Breaking Dawn" is currently keeping the Lord of the Rings trilogy from keeling off my shelf. It knows it must be subservient to its superiors ;)

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  2. Even though I'm a huge fan of fanfiction and have written some myself, most of it needs to be cut up with a lightsaber, shot, doused with gasoline, stabbed and burned to a crisp. I say that with as much love as possible. Some of the stuff is just wrong, badly written and disgusting. I mean, do Anakin Skywalker and Darth Sidious/Palaptine NEED to be paired up? Or Harry Potter and... Delores Umbridge or something? (I came up with the second pairing myself... *shudder*)
    Some of the stuff just flat out goes against human sanity and comprehension. Seriously, I can't even go on...

    AND HARRY PLUS FIRENZE AND SIRIUS PLUS SNAPE?!?!?!

    *is scarred for life*

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    1. Indeed - fanfiction can be fun, but ther are nasty nasty things lurking in the corners.

      And can I just say ... everything I wrote up there in in some fanfiction or another out there on the internet. I am sorry for scarring you, but at least you know never to read the fics. Lest you gouge out your toenails in despair as I nearly did.

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    2. Not trying to scar you even more or anything, but there actually are Harry Potter and Delores Umbridge stories out there. People are weird D:

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    3. That's not as bad as some of the pairings I've seen. Try Ron the Death Eater in leather pants raping almost every female in Hogwarts before being killed off by his own mum. THAT was a weird one.

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    4. That annoyingly sounds familiar O_o

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    5. You've encountered the godless monstrosity yourself, then? I pity you.

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  3. I'm with you on fanfiction - I'll happily give my opinion on characters and plots and things I'd change, but I don't get the allure of writing it all down and messing with someone else's story. I'd much rather work on my own creations. :)

    As for those freaky fics...I just, I've got to say, WOW. What is it with the odd pairings? Funny how they all seem to be same-sex...I have absolutely nothing against gay people, but Severus and Sirius - it's just plain creepy. Blech. Besides, they HATE each other! It just...it doesn't work! xD Also, Legolas and Aragorn? Gah, I can't wrap my mind around it! NOOO!

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    1. I know! Female fic authors seem to have a thing with gay pairings ... well, in LotR I guess there aren't really many female characters to go around, hence the abundace of Mary Sues and self-inserts as well as slashfics (gay pairings)

      And yes, not only do they all bend canon to the point where it explodes and shrapnel-ifies our faces, but some of them are just downright CREEPEH! I reckon Boromir died to avoid being attacked in fanfiction xD

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    2. That's true...very sad how there aren't any awesome heroines in LOTR, but oh well. Sam and Frodo and Aragorn are all epic, so it's all good. ;)

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    3. Ahem ... Eowyn would like a word. I said there weren't many, not any at all ;)

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    4. Ah, right. Typical me; I was just thinking of the Fellowship and forgot to factor in Everyone Else in Middle Earth. ;) Now that you mention it, I do think Eowyn is an epically awesome character. Love her so much! Actually, I'm kind of glad that bad fanfics forget about her. Her character is perfect as it is. ;)

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    5. She's the best. She does get missed out a lot in fanfic, it's sad - people pretend she doesn't exist, or else sideline her and replace her with their own godawful Mary Sues. Poor Eowyn. She's my favourite, after Gimli and Faramir xD

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    6. She's pretty awesome, that's for sure. :D I just love tough female characters! And there's just something about the idea of girls dressing up as guys to fight that I really enjoy in novels. It makes them seem so epic, haha!

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    7. Haha, you'd love Alara from my Aeserion Trilogy - she's far and away my favourite, and she doesn't even have to dress up as a man to go and fight. She kicks everyone's arse when she wants to ... most of the time xD

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    8. Ooh, she sounds fantastic! :D I'd love to read about her someday when you get it published. ;) And yes, female warriors are awesome even when they're not dressing up as guys. ;)

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    9. Indeed, indeed. If I ever get the book published, I shall let you know xD

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  4. I do like fanfiction, but have to agee with you on the fact that some people tend to go a little too far. Some stories out there are brilliant, and I've gotten way too involved in some fanfictions. However... when somebody goes as far as creating an entire website dedicated to Snape/Hermione stories, I have to wonder what is wrong with the world O_o

    Creating alternate endings, or writing side stories is fair enough. But one thing I hate when it comes to this particular subject, is when somebody creates their own character and plonks them into a well known story, for no apparent reason. Why add a new character to the storyline we're all too familiar with? "Lorna Skywalker, the long lost sister has suddenly appeared OUT OF NOWHERE, and is now going to save the day. Screw Luke, he's now obsolete." Uhhh... NO. I don't care how good you are at writing, or how well developed this character is: There was no Lorna in Star Wars. Lorna never existed. Now please kindly go away, and take your story with you.

    If you're tackling something like Doctor Who, this doesn't really matter because the story is still being told. Or if people do this with Harry Potter, and it involves the marauders era or around the founders era - then it's not too bad, because we have no idea what happened back then. But with a story that's finished? I don't understand that. Why bring a new main character into the fold, that was never mentioned in the first place?

    I could go on forever about what I love and hate about fanfiction, because I am that much on the fence XD but we'll just leave it there before I start writing you another essay...

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    1. Self-insert characters are alright sometimes - as long as they don't interfere with major plot points and things. Watching Aragorn's long-lost half-elvish sister miraculously rescue Boromir, marry Legolas and take the Ring to Mordor herself while somehow managing to fight in all the major battle scenes (and steal everyone's best lines) is not my idea of a good story, contrary to some belief.

      However, I do agree with you on the whole - and, let's face it, most self-inserts turn out to be godawful Mary Sues. Why, writers, why? xP

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    2. SOMETIMES being the operative word. I don't mind people adding their own characters for minor roles. It's when said character starts to take over the entire bloody story... or suddenly becomes the main characters love interest/sidekick/best buddy/whatever.

      Or when people put themselves into the story. Now that irks me.

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    3. You speak the truth. On all counts.

      DEATH TO THE SELF-INSERT PLOT THIEF!

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  5. Where do I draw the line? ...Nowhere. I don't read fanfiction. I don't write fanfiction. I don't endorse fanfiction. I have one opinion about fanfiction: whatever it is, if it isn't written by the original author, it's useless. Fanfiction to me is on par with an author continuing a series by another deceased author. If it isn't the original author, everything has changed: the style, the preferences, the character traits even. Same goes for fanfiction. It isn't the same author.
    That being my position, I attempt to argue with anyone with a problem with the author's original ending. Usually I'm successful in making them see sense.

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    1. Fair do's, though I'd say that, unless the person is being horribly yowly and over-reacting to the situation, different opinions are fine - I have several myself, though I like most people am happy to see sense and appreciate the original ending, despite my qualms.

      Series continued by deceased authors, though, I can see the logic in. As long as the replacement is careful to stay as true to the old work as possible, and doesn't do anything horrifically contra-canon, I don't mind. Then again, I haven't read a series where that's happened yet xD

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    2. It's funny, since usually I'll like a book, argue about it for a few months, then actually think about it. After heavy cogitation, I realize that it wasn't the greatest of books anyway and switch sides. (This happened with the Inheritance Cycle and the Hunger Games, to name a few.)

      But I'm pretty adamant about fanfiction and continuations of series. I just don't like them. I must confess, however, that at the moment I am unwilling to try any of them, for fear that it will change my mind.

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    3. Hehe, I liked the ending of the Inheritance Cycle, actually - though i think Eragon should have grabbed his brother by the ear and dragged him onto the boat, whether he wanted to come or not. The dude needs space to vent, where better than some unknown land which may be home to things he can mangle to his heart's content? Didn't like the insinuated Nasuada/Murtagh romance either, but thankfully that never went anywhere.

      The Hunger Games, though ... could not agree more. Dislike the series' ending intensely.

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    4. I know, I still like the ending to the Cycle. It's the plot holes that I discovered that made it take a dive in my estimation. And yes, it's a little strange to have a person fall in love with the man torturing her.

      I was slightly dazed after finishing Mockingjay. Then I reread it and gave it a crushing review.

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    5. Yeah ... I think we agree. A mon avis, Nasuada was more like to have impaled Murtagh on her sharpened spoon than tried to marry him. THAT would have been a funny image *cackles*

      I just got very grumpy when I finised Mockingjay - THE ENDING WAS RUBBISH! What happened to everyone else? Why the heck did Katniss have kids with Peeta when she clearly states she didn't want to in book one, and from all her trials and tribulations I can only guess that she'd be too traumatised at the thought of what could happen to them to have them later on. Gods all, I hated that ending. Not in the least because I hate Peeta with a vengeance xD

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    6. Indeed. If only Paolini was more humorous, he might have had better books.

      Well, write some fanfiction and kill him off, by all means. I really don't care about HG anymore.

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    7. Heh, I said above - I do not liketh the fanfics!

      Also, the "Study Hard, be Evil" picture is scheduled into my next post. You will see it tomorrow! Sorry, I kept forgetting about it xP

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    8. I'll be watching. If it doesn't come up tomorrow, I won't be watching anymore... period. *pantomimes pressing "delete favorite" button*

      Kidding, of course. I wouldn't do anything that drastic. Though, I might double my efforts to discover a way to burn blogs. Yours would be the first to fall...

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    9. Eeek! Good thing it's guaranteed to pop up today, unless I have buggy viruses that take delight in the prospect of my blog burning down, lol.

      Hope you enjoy the sight of it this afternoon ;)

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    10. It's up now! in the newest post :)

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    11. Is not. *checks again* Oh, there it is. My RSS feed isn't up to date, obviously. Sorry for the bother.

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  6. Gimli is NOT allowed to marry Pippin. Pippin is MINE. And that is FINAL.

    The most disturbing fanfic I've read was Sherlock stuff, I think. Mainly because it's the only fanfic I've read, simply because I managed to escape it until now. Some fanfic's hilarious though. I mean, we effectively wrote some, with Clocks. I give you permission to post some of that on here if you ever feel the need (though you might want to check with Elo).

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    1. Hehe, the hobbit's all yours Mim. I'd steal Aragorn, but he's taken ... likewise with Faramir ... dammit, I'll pinch Elladan or Elrohir, whichever one doesn't run away from me fast enough. Because they're cool :P

      LOL, we did didn't we? But we weren't plot-mangling, eye-gouging-ship-causing Mary Sue self-inserts were we? And we were waaaaaaaaaay out of the context of an individual fandom. That helps when it comes to madness like that xD

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    2. Yeah, I gave up on Aragorn, 'cos he was spoken for from the very beginning. *sigh* At least Pippin's about the right height for me. And has a very very cool accent, in the films :D

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    3. I know ... but I would still steal him at the first chance I got. Because I'm evil like that, and I don't think Arwen could stop me xD

      He is pretty awesome, and utterly adorable, in both film and books. Fool of a Took! xD

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  7. Fell free to post parts of Clocks... but i"m not sure anyone but us would understand it. :}

    Hm... I've written fan fictions.. Okay two, but neither one touched the existing plot. The first was a freak accident where some wormhole appeared and grabbed a girl falling from a plane and transported her to Pern. Eventually the Dragon and her rider was able to reunite the girl with her blind sister in the wilds of Alaska. In the second I used the world of Pern, but created my own little romance. I didn't even have the girl impress a Dragon despite her stay at the Whyr (yikes, I can't remember how to spell that).

    But that's it. I've never actually read any fan fics... And I can't remember if I've read any of Todd McCaffrey's continuations of Pern.

    Now i have much more fun creating my own worlds to stomp about in. :}

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    1. Indeed - there's something fulfilling in creating the world, then getting to wreak havoc in it. That's the best part.

      Admittedly, I don't mind fanfics that only borrow the world - it's when plot and characters start getting mangled that I objectificate xD

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