But some ... some of them are just plain weird. Here is my Top Five List of Weird Things that People Do.
1 - Checking their phones for no reason
Don't even try to con me with the excuse that you're checking the time - we wear watches for that. I can never get my head around the reasons why people feel the need to whip out their phones, in the middle of a conversation, to stare at a completely blank screen that has neither bleeped, buzzed or leapt ten feet in the air singing the William Tell overture.
2 - Using text contractions in everyday conversation
While I dislike contracting words in texts, I can see the need to be brief in order to save time and money if the message needs to be send quickly. But when I'm having a conversation with someone, I do not much appreciate being told that my story is "hilare" or that I am "totes over-reacting" to a "prob" that I tell to my "bez" over "sups". If I wanted to speak to someone who lost half their words, I would dig out my old cassette tapes and play them into my ear on repeat. It's not convenient - it's just plain lazy. And very confusing.
3 - Wearing things "because it looks good"
I have a friend who owns the most evil-looking pair of high heeled shoes I have ever seen in my entire life. They are big, black, and stand taller than the length of my hand (which, in itself, is pretty long). Even the toe part of the shoe is platformed. The gap for toes to fit into is about the width of a penny, and I cannot count the number of times I have had to half carry her down the stairs to keep her from breaking every bone in her body. And let's not mention the blisters. Those things could make injuries from Saw movies look like papercuts.
Despite this, however, she insists on wearing them to nearly every social function we have, even if it is a good half-hour walk from our boarding house. Why? Because, apparently, she would rather be carted off to A&E and drowned in morphine than dare risk looking out-of-style.
The same goes for any item of clothing that makes a person look like 1- a member of a travelling circus, 2- a confused, drunken backdancer at a Rihanna concert or 3- an oversized six-year-old. It may be fashionable, but that doesn't stop you looking ridiculous.
4- Calorie counting
Not only is it annoying as heck for the person you are eating with, but calorie counting is, actually, a fairly useless sort of weight loss on its own. Evidently being bashed over the head with the doctrine of DO MORE EXERCISE-ology isn't quite getting through to some people. What's more, if you deny yourself food and energy at a mealtime, you are just going to go stealing chips off the plates of your irritated friends two hours later.
Mathematics is not going to help you shift that half-a-turkey you still have hanging over from Christmas. Honest.
5- Wearing glasses as a fashion accessory
I don't mean sunglasses - those things are proven to increase your Awesome Index by at least 20% whenever you put them on. I'm referring to people who buy non-prescription glasses and wear them for the look. Seriously, even people who wear glasses don't want them, what on earth inspired you to think that it's a desirable trait? "Being hipster" only goes so far.
A special mention to those people who wear the frames with the lenses poking out - the award for Sheer What-On-Earth-Ery goes to you.
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That is all.
~ Charley R
